Nightmares
by NemKess
Summary: warnings: yaoi, adult themes. What could Trowa be frightened of?


This was written for Darkflame's UkeTrowa fanfic contest. It is based on the assumption that Trowa was raped in his past as Naneshi. This is an edited version so although there are references to rape and abuse, none of it is actually shown. If yaoi bothers you, do not read further. NemKess

Nightmares

By NemKess

warnings: violence, references to rape, yaoi (4X3, 2X3, ?X3)

"I'm sorry Trowa, there are other urgent matters that require my attention."

"But we're partners. Cat, I'd prefer it if you went on this mission instead of Duo." Though Trowa's voice and tone never changed form it's usual lack of inflection, Quatra knew his lover well enough to notice the tremble in his voice and the barest hint of fear in his eyes. Maybe it was the borderline empathic abilities that ran through his subconscious or more likely the fact that he was so in tuned to every nuance of the other man's psyche, but he understood just how much of a defense shield Trowa used him as. Not that he minded. It was a shield he was glad to provide and he only mourned the cause of the need. The deep-rooted nightmares that emerged when they weren't together.

"Your mission is very important and you and Duo are the only two not involved with other Preventer business. I'm sure everything will be fine. Duo can handle just about anything." Though it was only a veiled reference to Trowa's problem, it was enough to cause the taller man to stiffen. "I'm sorry Trowa. I'd rearrange it so that it was me with you if I could, but it's impossible. Believe me, I tried."

With a resigned sigh, Trowa slid down into the chair opposite Quatra's. It wasn't Quatra's fault and getting angry about it wasn't going to change things. If he'd learned anything over his lifetime, it was that. Still, the very thought of facing a night without the love and protection that Quatra offered was enough to shake him. It was only in the safe haven of the smaller blonde's arms that he could find peace from the torments of his past. And for the next week, that safe haven would be thousands of miles away.

"Well buddy, looks like we're gonna be roomies for the next week." Trowa turned at the sound of Duo's cheerful voice. They were in the airport awaiting their flight. Quatra had already boarded his own plane and Hilde, Duo's on again off again girlfriend, had just left. Now it was just the two of them. Trowa could already feel the vice forming around his chest. As friendly and fun as Duo was, he wasn't Quatra.

"Hn...."

Duo just rolled his eyes. "Oh man, I can already tell this is gonna be a typical mission. You sound just like Heero. I swear, I don't know how Quatra and Relena put up with you two. I mean, it's bad enough for the short periods of a mission. I'd go crazy if I actually **lived **with one of you."

Trowa made no response, just listened as Duo continued on with a stream of idle chatter. Idle chatter that lasted not only until they were on the plane, but also until the baka finally fell asleep in the air. It was beyond his comprehension how anyone could possibly talk so much and not say anything at all.

With a sigh, he stared blankly out the window and contemplated the bleak week ahead. Suddenly it seemed even more depressing than before.

"Man, today was a total waste of time. I know that surveillance is necessary, but I think a video camera could have worked just as well," Duo groused as he pulled off his shirt and plopped down onto one of the beds in their hotel room.

"A video camera might be able to watch activity, but it can't gather intelligence information at the same time." Trowa said as he emerged from the bathroom, a towel in hand as he dried his hair. His hand paused and his eyes clouded as he stared at the other bed.

Taking immediate note of the silence, he glanced over to see Duo fast asleep, his mouth hanging open. Trowa's lips twitched. Even in sleep, Duo couldn't keep his mouth shut.

His face grew serious again as he moved to settle into the other bed. He eyed the lamp consideringly before glancing at Duo again. The sleeping man didn't appear to be the least bit bothered by the light. Experience had taught him that keeping a light on wouldn't banish the nightmares entirely, but it did help to control them a little. That decided, he got as comfortable as possible and just stared into the light until sleep overtook him.

His last conscious thought was a fervent wish that Quatra was there.

It was a pressing need to relieve himself that woke Duo. Sleep blurred eyes barely took in his surroundings as he stumbled to the bathroom.

"Gotta cut down on the sodas," he muttered as he made his way back to his bed. He was about to crawl in again when he realized that the lamp was still glowing brightly on the nightstand. He glanced over at where Trowa lay, bundled in his covers and shifting lightly in his sleep.

"Huh, he must have forgotten to turn it off." With a mental shrug, he flicked off the switch and curled back up into his own bed. Hardly a minute had passed before he was out again.

Trowa couldn't pin point exactly when the dream went from being merely unpleasant to the terrors of his past. All he knew was that the mobile suit battle he was engaged in suddenly disintegrated into the real Trowa Barton and his time with the Barton Corporation. He was Naneshi again. And though some part of his mind remained aware that it was only a dream, another, stronger part had already begun to panic.

Silent as always, he could only stare as the older man advanced on him. But in his mind, the screams were deafening. Not again. Leave me alone. Go away. A thousand things that he was too afraid to utter. For a brief moment, Quatra appeared and hope surged through him. Quatra wouldn't let anyone hurt him. But even as he reached towards his love, the blonde angel also vanished. And he was alone again. Alone except for the sinisterly grinning Trowa.

Duo sat up in bed trying to figure out what woke him up. He wasn't thirsty or hungry, he didn't have to relieve himself, and he couldn't detect anyone in the room but himself and Trowa. A half second after the thought, he took notice of the violent tossing his roommate was doing. And still, he was eerily silent.

"Hey, Trowa man," Duo whispered as he moved to the others bedside and flicked the lamp back on. "Trowa?" he tried again. Now that the light was on, he could see the fine sheen of sweat that covered Trowa's face and body. A shudder went through the silent body and ,to Duo at least, it looked as if he was trying to destroy his blanket. Or some inner demon.

Not really sure what to do, Duo pushed hesitantly on Trowa's shoulder. "Trowa, wake up man. It's just a nightmare."

Trowa's eyes shot open and Duo was taken aback by the sheer terror he read in the deep green irises. The only time he could ever remember seeing more than mild amusement from Trowa, had been right after the first war when Quatra had collapsed trying to get out of his gundam. Even then, the concern had been muted. This was... This was damn near enough to frighten Duo. Especially once the silent man began fighting **him**.

"Trowa, it's me! Dammit Trowa, quit struggling, I don't want to hurt you."

""Quatra?" Duo blinked at the weak sound.

"No, it's Duo," he replied. There was a pause as Trowa closed his eyes and pressed fists against them. Then Duo was caught by surprise once again as Trowa gripped his waist in a tight embrace and began to weep against his shoulder. Feeling like he'd just been dropped into the twilight zone, he did the only thing he could think of. He wrapped his own arms around his sobbing friend and began to rock him like a child. "Shh.. It'll be okay Trowa. It was just a nightmare, that's all."

They sat like that for several more minutes before the sobs had become reduced to trembling and Duo was fairly certain that Trowa was near sleep. When he moved to get up however, the grip around his waist tightened.

"Please." Duo had to strain to hear the hushed request. "Please don't leave me."

"Uhh..." For once in his life, Duo found himself at a loss for words. The very **idea** that Trowa needed any kind of comfort was so foreign to his image of the former Heavyarms pilot that he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with it. At the same time, he couldn't really refuse such an earnest request from a friend. All his life he'd put whatever friendships he'd had before himself. And he found he could do no less now.

"Sure, I wasn't goin' nowhere." He felt a little awkward as he shifted around so that he could lay down. Sure, he'd slept with guys before, even experimented a little, but this was **Trowa**.

As Trowa pressed close to his chest, he couldn't help but reevaluate his opinion of his friends' relationship. He'd always assumed that it was Trowa who protected Quatra from bad dreams, not the other way around. His natural curiosity took that thinking off onto a whole different tangent. If Quatra was the strong one, then did he get to be on top? He coughed to disguise the snicker that escaped his throat. Now that was something he just couldn't picture. Quatra... He shook his head a little to clear out the inappropriate thoughts. Trowa needed his comfort, not his amusement. Or, he thought with a frown, the even more inappropriate desire twisting his gut.

Being an equal opportunist kind of guy, he'd certainly observed how attractive all of his comrades were. Even Dorothy had attracted him, in a twisted sort of way.

With a sigh, he shifted into a more comfortable position (one that didn't put the more volatile parts of his anatomy in contact with Trowa) and drifted back into sleep.

The next morning when Trowa awoke, he was a little startled to find himself nestled against Duo. It took a minute for him to remember exactly what had transpired the night before. When it did come back to him, he flushed lightly and began to ease off his sleeping companion. He froze again when his hip brushed against Duo's very obvious erection and his flush deepened.

Duo groaned and pumped his pelvis lazily against Trowa's hip.

Trowa looked at the sleeping face consideringly. He didn't imagine that Duo would be too comfortable waking up in such a state with no way to relieve it and he **did** owe the braided man for the comfort his presence had provided the night before. And he only knew one way to show his gratitude. He knew from past experience that it was the only thing he had to offer that anyone but Quatra wanted.

Hesitantly, he propped himself on his elbow over Duo's slack form. One trembling hand moved down to cup Duo's heat while he leaned his mouth against Shinigami's soft lips. A moan of desire was captured by his mouth and the bulge in his hand was pressed against it even harder. Duo's arms went around him, strong hands kneading the muscles of his butt, and he could taste coke when the others tongue invaded his mouth, deepening the kiss.

Violet eyes, cloudy with sleep and the first stirrings of passion, blinked open. And clenched shut again.

"Trowa.." Duo's voice was rough and mildly surprised. In the next moment, Trowa found himself on his back, pressed tightly against the coverlet. "What about Quatra?"

Trowa's only answer was to pull Duo's face back to his own and to grind his hips upwards against Duo. It was clear that his friend was fighting a losing battle with his conscious. A battle that was abandoned altogether in the wake of Trowa's silent willingness.

Trowa struggled not to hide mentally as Duo became more aggressive. It wasn't anything he hadn't experienced before, and with people he liked far less. Still, he couldn't help but withdraw back into the protected corners of his mind and pretend it was two people he didn't know in the room. The reflexive shift went completely unnoticed by Duo, who was more used to a silent withdrawn Trowa anyway.

Duo shifted guiltily as he watched Trowa stand a little awkwardly and make his way to the bathroom. He felt even worse when he noticed the light bloodstains on the bed.

"Damn," he muttered to himself. Thoughts of lubrication had completely slipped his mind. Now he felt like a heel on top of a Brutus. And it didn't help that he had the distinct feeling, now that he was thinking clearly, that Trowa hadn't really wanted it in the first place.

Well hell. What was he supposed to do now?

"You'd better get ready, we're expected in a half hour." Duo jumped at the quiet voice. He hadn't even realized that Trowa was back in the room. With a subdued nod, Duo got up and went about his morning preparations. There'd be plenty of time for worry and discussions later.

Trowa kicked a rock out of his path as he made his way from the store back to the hotel. One more day. He'd managed to survive nearly a week of being without Quatra. And though there'd been no repeats of that first night and morning, he couldn't have been more glad that it was almost over.

Duo had gone back to the constant idle chatter after that first day, but it was easy to see that he felt guilty about the whole thing. Trowa frowned and kicked another rock. He didn't know how to reassure the braided man. Quatra was more likely to be disappointed that he himself had slipped back into that old mold than he was to be mad at either of them. The Arabian had spent immense amounts of time in the campaign to convince him that he was worth more than somebody's sex toy.

A soft sigh blew the bangs away from his eyes for a moment before they fell back into place. When he was with Quatra, that was an easy thing to accept. There was no doubt in his mind that Quatra loved all of him, troubled past, nightmares, and all. It was only when they were separated that the doubts crawled back and, after all, old habits did die the hardest deaths.

So much of his life had been spent as a plaything for older, stronger men. He didn't even remember a time before the abuse although he knew there had to have been one. Catherine's warm memories of their parents proved that there was. Sometimes, he wished with all his heart that he'd never been torn from that life. But then he'd have never met Quatra. A twisted path had led them together and he wouldn't have given up the chance to be with his angel for anything in the world, even a life where the nightmares had never happened.

He sighed again as he tried to decide what to tell Quatra when they got to the airport tomorrow. He could bear anything but having the other turn from him in disappointment. Because Cat always blamed himself. He was sure to think that Trowa's backslide was all his fault and he would be hurt and angry at himself.

It never even occurred to Trowa to lie or omit the truth. Quatra would know. The second those aqua eyes met his own, he'd know something was wrong and he wouldn't' give up until he'd figured out what it was.

He frowned as the fine hairs on the back of his neck rose. Someone was following him. He'd noticed the guy earlier, but had chalked it up to his imagination. Not wanting to overreact if it was just an average bystander, Trowa took a sharp left and stepped into the first storefront he came across. Sure enough, the man followed him in. Moving along the shelf, plucking idly at the assorted items, he watched his tag along out of the corner of his eye. Whoever he was, he wasn't professional. Trowa had never seen a worse job of tailing someone in his life. Which meant he wasn't from the people the Preventer's had them watching.

Trowa shrugged mentally. One man with no professional training wasn't a big deal. Looking at his watch, he decided to go ahead and head back to the hotel. He'd rather be packing than bothering with this. Besides, if he got done quickly, then he could help Duo and they could leave first thing in the morning.

A small smile escaped in his anticipation. He couldn't wait to see Quatra again.

Quatra frowned and rubbed the ache that had started in his chest. He looked into his cup of tea as if searching for the cause when he heard it clear as day. Trowa. Dear Allah, something was wrong with Trowa. He knew it as surely as if the former circus star was standing right in front of him.

Not hesitating a second, he leaned over his vidcom and dialed for Lady Une. For security reasons, Duo and Trowa had been in a classified location and she would be the quickest way to finding out where.

When Lady Une answered, Quatra was startled to see her wearing pajamas. Belatedly, he realized that it was after 2 in the morning in the Sanq Kingdom where Preventer Headquarters had been set up.

"I assume this is urgent?" There was no censure in her voice, only sleepiness. She knew Quatra well enough to know he would never bother someone in their home if it wasn't important. He was just too polite for that.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Lady Une, but I really need to know how to contact Trowa and Duo."

The older woman frowned and rubbed the bridge of her nose trying to clear her vision. Without her contacts, that was difficult as best. Once she could see clearly, she observed that Quatra's face was drawn with worry. "May I ask why? They will be home around noon tomorrow. Are you sure this won't hold until then?"

"I really need to see Trowa, Lady Une. It's very important." He fought not to fidget. If he was wrong, or it was just the nightmares, then he didn't want to worry anyone else.

Lady Une stared at him a moment longer before going over to her pc and pulling up the information. "Be sure and let me know if there is a problem."

"I will. Thank you." He'd barely gotten off line with her before he began dialing the number she'd given him. As he waited for an answer, he mentally calculated the time it would take to reach their hideout.

It was a worried Duo that greeted him.

"Where's Trowa, Duo?" Quatra asked, dreading the answer.

"I don't know. He was supposed to run out to the convenient store, grab some milk and gummy worms," seeing Quatra's confused look Duo just shook his head. "Don't ask. But he was supposed to come right back and that was a couple of hours ago. I even walked to the store and back, but he wasn't anywhere along the route."

Quatra squeezed his eyes shut, his fears confirmed. "Duo, it'll take me about six hours to get there. I'll call the local authorities from the plane. You too, to let you know something. Don't leave in case he comes back."

Duo just nodded before cutting the connection.

"Rashid!! Rashid!!" There was a flurry of noise in the hallway as he virtually screamed for his friend. No wonder, he thought. The servants were not used to their employer raising his voice for any reason.

He was in tears by the time Rashid hurried through the door even though it only took the big man a few minutes.

"What is it, Master Quatra?" For a moment all Quatra could do was shake his head and whimper.

Then, as all sorts of horrible scenarios ran through his mind, he managed to pull himself together long enough to inform Rashid of the turn of events. He's barely finished before the maguanac leader was already bustling out of the room shouting orders at this servant and that.

Within ten minutes, the pair were boarding the Winner families private jet, Abdul at the controls.

Quatra wasted little time in finding the numbers for the chief of the police, commissioner and everyone else in the town that might be able to help. When he called the police chief, he was met with a bunch of static and mumbo jumbo about people not being searched for until 48 hours had passed. And he couldn't make them understand that Trowa probably didn't **have **48 hours. The pain in his chest had been getting steadily worse. He knew Trowa was in trouble, in pain. His second call, to the commissioner, got better results. Apparently, the man recognized him. After only a short conversation, he was already sending men to Duo's hotel room and more were preparing for a manhunt.

"Do you have a photo of the victim, Mister Winner?"

Nodding, Quatra dug around his briefcase for the photograph that he'd brought along for just this purpose. Taken less than a year ago, it was the best likeness of Trowa that he had. Once he'd faxed it to Commissioner Laskey, it only took a few moment to go over a few details.

After that, he sent a quick call to Duo to let him know what was going on.

He was staring out the window rubbing his chest absently when Rashid came back from the cockpit. No words were spoken between them.

Please let him be okay, Quatra silently begged Allah. Please be with him.

"I don't understand, Laskey. Why are we wasting manpower on this? The guy probably just went for a walk. And if he didn't, then he's probably dead. The Dog Pack doesn't exactly leave witnesses." Lt. Detective Marsden said.

The commissioner didn't answer, just continued to stare at the photo that had been faxed. He suddenly felt every one of his fifty two years.

"Marsden, do you know who that was?" He sighed as his subordinate just shrugged his shoulders. "That was Mr. Quatra Winner. He is one of the most influential men not only on Earth, but also in the colonies. A crook of his finger and the former Queen herself drops what she's doing and goes to him. On top of that, he was one of the gundam pilots that helped liberate the world from the ESA. Now, do you really want to tell a man with all that power and wealth, that someone he feels this strongly about is probably dead?"

The Lt. blanched when he was shown the picture. In it, the blonde man was smiling happily his arms wrapped possessively around the shoulders of another young man with a shock of brown hair that fell over one eye. Though there was only a small smile on Trowa Barton's face, there was no doubting that he was looking at anything other than two people very much in love.

"I didn't think so."

Trowa awoke to pain radiating all through his body. What had happened? He had the faintest memory of someone attacking. Concentrating on getting past the pain, he took a few shallow breaths and focused. He'd been winning, he remembered. His attackers had been unskilled and totally unaware of what their prey was capable of. In fact, he'd been walking away from the scene when the shot had rung out. There had been another person there, hidden in the shadows. He hadn't noticed until it was too late. After that, the others, angered by their easy defeat, had set out to hear him scream. But he hadn't. Right up until he'd lost consciousness, he'd not made so much as a whimper.

A shiver ran through his body and he wondered briefly where his clothes were. Where he was.

There was laughter somewhere behind him and he rolled with the greatest of care. Though blood made sight difficult, Trowa was fairly certain that he could see all of his attackers and a few others gathered around a nearby fire.

Emerald eyes wandered around, taking in the details of his 'prison'. It appeared to be some sort of old warehouse or factory, he couldn't tell which. The place was piled with old junk. Some of it had been thrown together to fashion the flimsy cage that held him.

"I wouldn't try it if I were you." The voice was female, but rough like cracked leather. The face that popped into his vision was about the same. That face wrinkled into some semblance of a smile. "The boys is already mad at you for the beatin' they took. I wouldn't want to be you if they were to catch you tryin' to escape."

He just stared at the ugly face, his expression unchanging. This seemed to annoy her. She kicked at the ground next to the cage sending a spray of dirt up into his face.

Though he Wiped at his eyes, he still didn't make a sound.

"Humph. Uppity. Not to worry lad. We'll bring ya down a peg or two. We surely will." She grinned again before moving off to join her comrades. He watched as the group around the fire straightened.

Words were exchanged before the woman returned this time with a slender man, who was wearing Trowa's clothes, and a big ox of a man.

Trowa blinked. Damn, he thought. The man was at least as big as Rashid, if not bigger. Judging form the dim look on his face though, his mental facilities weren't quite all there.

"Well, Uppity. Got somebody I want ya ta meet. This here," she said gesturing to the smaller man. "is Sneiouzer. He thanks you politely for your clothes. His were starting to stink."

The man just smirked before inclining his head ever so slightly and leaving. The bigger man watched him for a moment before turning back to the crone.

"And this big boy, is Dane." She patted him on the shoulder like a he was a faithful puppy. "Dane wants to keep you company for a little while." She leaned over and opened the door, moving towards the silent prisoner.

Trowa's throat tightened and it took all his will power not to flinch as she ran a hand along his jaw. "Not to worry, Uppity. If Dane can't make you scream, I'll find someone who can. An if they all fail, well. I'm sure I can come up with somethin'. Thankee for providen' us with some sport. Been a long time since we had a challenge."

With that she straightened up and let the one called Dane move past her. Turning, she let herself out and locked the door behind her. "Oh yeah, ya can call me Shep. Welcome to the Dog Pound, Uppity. Hope you enjoy the hospitality."

As her cackling rang out again, Trowa swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and shifted his gaze to the cage's other occupant. With a shudder, he clenched his eyes tight and fought for some kind of control.

This might not be the real Trowa Barton or any of the dozens of others, but he knew that look. And though he remained expressionless, inside he sobbed in terror.

Quatra sat straight up clutching his chest. Tears ran down his face.

"Master Quatra?"

The blonde Arabian just waved him off. Sweet Allah, his chest hurt. And as much as he cried for the pain he knew Trowa was in, part of him was grateful. As long as he could feel that pain, his love was still alive. There was still hope. If only he could make the jet go faster. If only he'd managed to clear his schedule and went with Trowa. If only...

He was quickly coming to realize why those were the two saddest words in any language. So many if onlys and none of them could change what was happening.

He looked over when he heard Rashid answer the vidcom. It was Duo and he looked even worse than before.

"Quatra man." He paused and his brow wrinkled like he was searching for words. "Quatra, don't bother goin' to the hotel. There'll be an officer waiting to bring you straight here to the hospital."

"Duo..." Quatra was deathly afraid of what his braided friend would say next. "Is he-"

"He's alive, Quatra. Other than that," Duo shrugged helplessly. "It's bad. He really needs you right now."

Quatra nodded dumbly. At least he's alive, he thought as he and Duo said their goodbyes. He's alive. Hold on to that.

Rashid could only watch helplessly as the young man who was like a son to him, curled up into a ball and sobbed hard, bitter tears into his knees.

Duo had never been more relieved to see someone in his life than he was the moment Quatra came running into the waiting room.

They'd found Trowa a couple of hours before, broken, bloody and left for dead in an alley. As bad as all that was, it wasn't until he'd regained some semblance of consciousness that Duo knew it was even worse than they'd been able to see. Those eyes, so silent before, were dead.

The doctor said that whatever had happened was so traumatic that he'd withdrawn inside himself and wasn't coming out. He just lay there on the bed, staring at the ceiling with silent tears running down either side of his face.

Duo could only pray that Quatra could succeed where they had failed and bring their friend back from whatever hell he was trapped in.

"Duo," The was gasped out as he struggled to catch his breath. "Where is he? How is he? They wouldn't tell me anything on the way over."

The doctor saved the usually talkative young man from answering. "Mr. Winner?"

"Yes."

"My name is Dr. Draper." she gestured for them to follow her. They approached a room where two men were waiting. One Quatra recognized as Commissioner Laskey. "I believe you already know the commissioner." The two shook hands as he nodded. "This is Lt. Marsden. As personal as this is, they need to hear this as well. Do you have any objections to that?"

"No ma'am." He happened to glance into the window of the room at that moment. His heart stopped. Dear Allah, I'm so sorry Trowa.

"Sir?" His attention jerked back to the doctor. "His injuries are pretty extensive, but not really fatal. His kidneys are bruised, he has a very bad concussion, multiple ribs are broken, he has a clean gunshot through his left shoulder, and he's lost a great deal of blood. There are also a number of other minor bruises and lacerations. It would appear that he was beaten with baseball bats." She paused and looked straight into Quatra's eyes, her own sympathetic. "He was also raped multiple times."

He'd thought he'd cried all the tears that his body could hold. He was wrong. A beating, even one that left him near death, was something Trowa could survive and still come out fairly whole. But this... This was the Last thing he needed. He looked up when he felt a strong grip on his shoulder. Duo's violet eyes were also filled with tears.

"Mr. Winner," the Lt. began. "We have a fairly good idea of who attacked Mr. Barton. There's a group around here called the Dog Pack. Their some of the most vicious criminals this city has ever seen. We have enough evidence to fry the lot of them. Unfortunately, we can't find them. We need to know if Mr. Barton can tell us anything at all about where he was taken. And we need to know if he can identify the ones that did this specifically. The problem is, he won't talk to us or your friend here."

Quatra nodded, knowing what the man wanted. "May I see him now?"

The doctor sighed and opened the door for him. "Sure. I'll be down the hall way at the nurses station if you need me."

Without a word Quatra slipped under her arm and into the room. Once the door was closed and he was alone with Trowa, he walked quietly over to the bedside. His entire soul cried out at the lifeless stare of his beloved. It was as if he wasn't there at all.

"Oh Trowa," his broken whisper sounded incredibly loud in the otherwise silent room. "I'm so sorry Trowa. I should have been there and I wasn't." He reached one trembling hand up to brush the fall of hair out of the battered face. "I promised to keep the nightmares away and I let you walk right into a waking one."

He eased up onto the cot like bed to and lay beside the still body. Leaning until his head was against the side of Trowa's, he closed his eyes and concentrated on willing all the love and light his soul possessed to seep into the injured one and chase away the demons.

"Please Trowa," he begged. "Please come back to me."

Trowa Barton... Triton Bloom... Naneshi was trapped in an endless night. The only things around him were a thousand faces and bodies from his past. Every person who'd ever abused him. Every soldier he'd ever killed. Every individual who'd ever betrayed him. All laughing and taunting.

He screamed in frustration and terror. "Leave me alone! Get out of my head! You're not real. None of you are real!"

But the ghosts just ignored him. The ghostly visage of the real Trowa Barton stopped in front of him. "Of course we're real, Naneshi. We're all real, and we isn't goin' nowhere. We like it right here with you."

He was quickly replaced with the cackling Shep. "Told you I could make you scream boy. Didn't I tell you? But you liked it, right? You liked screamin' for me?"

Middi Une was next. "It's all you deserve you know. You're nothing but a nameless no account. You think you can find love? Who could possibly love you? You're even dirtier than me."

Over and over, they taunted him. Deeper and deeper into the darkness they pushed him. Each with their own little scorecard against him. Each with another reason why he was too dirty to be loved. Why all he deserved was more abuse.

He curled up into a ball and sobbed. "Leave me alone. Please just go away. Please stop."

Tighter and tighter he curled, until he was nearly lost in the ball he'd made. Somehow he knew that if he could just make the ball invisible, they'd leave. He'd be gone and nobody would ever be able to find and hurt him again.

"Please don't leave me." At first he tried to ignore the voice. It didn't understand. It didn't know the pain, it hadn't experienced the taunts. It was just another ghost to haunt him. "Please Trowa. I need you."

His eyes squeezed shut even tighter. No, he screamed. You don't need me. No one needs me. No one wants me. You all just want to hurt me.

"I love you." He frowned trying to place the soft voice. He knew that voice, knew it better than his own. Quatra.

Finally, he looked up. This ghost's eyes were gentle and sad. There was no taunting in them. One by one, the other ghosts fled the soft light that surrounded this new creature. Naneshi watched them go with disbelieving eyes. Emerald sought aqua. The ghostly visage of Quatra smiled softly and held out a hand.

"I promised to protect you. I'm sorry I failed this time. Please give me another chance." He stared at the outstretched hand without a word. It never wavered. "Come back with me, Trowa. I need you."

A thousand fears crowded his mind. Going back meant feeling all that pain again. He didn't want to feel the pain anymore. He needed to stay away from the pain.

But...

He needed Quatra too.

Quatra...

Quatra's head jerked up and he leaned closer. He could have sworn Trowa had whispered his name.

"Quatra..." It was so soft he could barely hear it, but it was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard. And when the tears came this time, he knew they were for joy.

"Trowa." His lips brushed tenderly against Trowa's bruised cheek. Sooty eyelashes fluttered before he was pinned with a steady, if pained, emerald gaze. "Welcome back sleepyhead," Quatra teased.

Trowa's eyes fluttered shut again but his head turned and he nuzzled Quatra's cheek lightly. Mindful of the various injuries, not to mention tubing, that covered his lover's body, Quatra shifted onto his side and wrapped his arms around Trowa. The other man nestled into his embrace and in that safe haven once more, fell into a deep healing sleep.

Quatra smiled softly at the relaxed face and stroked the strong jaw. So strong and yet, so very fragile. In the silence, he knew he would gladly and willingly kill to protect this fragile soul. At the very least, he would see to it that this so called Dog Pack paid dearly.

Trowa leaned lightly against Quatra, allowing his angel to support him since he'd refused to use the wheelchair that the hospital had provided him with. He was adamant despite the disapproval he'd read in those aquamarine eyes. He had wanted to face the jury, and the defendants, as whole as possible. He would never let the gang know just how close they had come to breaking him. Ever.

The DA was confident that the whole group would get either life in prison or the death penalty. Thinking about the sort of people they'd meet in prison, Trowa honestly hoped that's where they all ended up. Let them live through the torture they had so delighted in spreading to others. Let them live his torments. The lot of them would break within a week.

He smiled smugly at the thought.

"What's so funny?" Quatra's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Nothing. Just thinking." Though the other man looked skeptical, he said nothing about it. "Cat?"

"Yes?" Quatra replied looking back up. Caught again in the snare that the loving aqua eyes created, Trowa could only stare until he was prodded by a gentle elbow. "Earth to Trowa. Anybody home?"

"Huh? Oh yeah," he flushed a little. "I was wondering... umm..... We're going back home tonight, right?"

"Yes. We'll take the jet and be home by morning. Why?"

"No reason. I'm just ready to be home again."

Quatra fairly glowed.

"Master Quatra!"

"Shh." Quatra cautioned his servant as he held the door open wider. The young woman's mouth dropped as Rashid entered behind him, a sleeping Trowa cradled loosely in his arms. Quatra smiled. The former gundam pilot was still regaining his strength and the trip back had proved too much for him. Knowing that sleep was the best thing right now, he and Rashid had decided not to wake the patient. Getting him off the plane had been amusing.

"Please make sure our bedchamber is prepared and make some tea please. I think Rashid and I could both use some."

"Yes master Quatra," she whispered back before going about fulfilling his orders.

It took nearly a half hour for them to get everything ready and to get Trowa up to the room. Through it all, Rashid just stood patiently. Once they got tithe sleeping man settled, Quatra followed his longtime friend back to the library.

"Will everything be all right now, Master Quatra?" the maguanac asked as he shut the door behind them.

"I think so, Rashid. I really think so." He sighed and drank deeply from the cup of tea he was offered. "It'll take a while, but I think that he'll beat it in the end."

The big man just nodded and walked over to the window. Quatra joined him and they stood there, drinking their tea in silence.

He truly hoped that Trowa could overcome this. He'd made the first and hardest step just by coming out of whatever hiding place he'd found in his mind. Now they'd just have to take it one day at a time. He intended to be there for every step. He'd already spoken to Une and though he knew she thought he was just being paranoid, she'd agreed that there would be no more missions that separated them.

He didn't care what anyone thought. He'd nearly lost Trowa this time. Allah might not be so merciful next time. He certainly had no intention of finding out.

"You should get some sleep yourself, Quatra." He smiled at Rashid's admonishment. The seasoned fighter always dropped the master before his name when he was being fatherly.

For once, Quatra had no qualms about obeying the request. He was tired and he wanted to be with Trowa. Wanted to be there when he woke up.

"I'll see you at dinner, Rashid." The big man nodded and just watched as Quatra left.

When Trowa awoke, he could feel Quatra's heartbeat underneath his cheek. He glanced up to see that his companion was already awake and watching him.

"Good morning sleepyhead," the soft aqua eyes were teasing and a smile played across Quatra's full lips. "Wanna know something?"

"What?"

"I love watching you sleep. You're so beautiful." Quatra leaned down and kissed him softly. Trowa sighed softly and moved into the kiss.

Gentle hands stroked over his shoulders and chest. That was one of the things he loved about this elfin looking angel. He was strong enough to help shoulder any burden, but he was always as gentle as a lamb. No nightmare had ever scared him away, and he had never once looked at Trowa with anything less than love.

"How can you love someone like me?" The question slipped out before Trowa could stop it, but Quatra just smiled again and cupped his cheek.

"How could I not?" The love that shone in those eyes would have humbled anyone. It brought tears to Trowa's own. Nothing in his life had prepared him for someone like this. But here he was. Alive and more whole than he'd ever been.

And when Quatra made the gentlest love to him that night, Trowa knew that the ghosts were wrong. Someone could love him. Someone did love him.

And if it was accepted and returned, no nightmare in the world could ever stand in the face of a love like that.

The End.


End file.
